Pinch Me, I Must Be Dreaming.


Oh. Em. Gee! (I literally keep screaming b/c I cannot even believe I am about to announce this.)

Jake…and I, had our first baby, together. (:

I know I never announced that we were expecting but that is b/c we built our baby.

Now. Without further ado, I introduce to you: Cassio R-D. Our Build-A-Bear son.

Today we had the pleasure of creating him. As exciting as this is, it is not the biggest part of our news.

Today, we even had the pleasure of checking out…PAUSE.

Lets first take a quick look at our relationship, how I feel about him, and how he feels about me.

*Note: This is long, feel free to skip to the next italic section to get the short version of this post.*

Our Story:
we met ‘online’ Jan. 2014. We hung out soon after. Our first meeting was really laid back and casual. While I thought he was a little boring, and he thought I was crazy (I pulled my taser out on him. Lol.) We both wanted to see each other again.

By Feb. 2014, we knew we would be together. He asked me out, and I agreed. We have exclusively been dating since then.

Not long after, he expressed his love for me. While I was a little surprised (b/c technically he claimed to have loved me before we were dating), I actually believed him.

Well since then, we have moved in together. Met the parents. (Grand parents and cousins too). Etc.

Recently, during a deep conversation with him, I realized just how much he means to me. I realized that he is literally he most amazing man that I know (and in the world). There is nothing I would not do for him. And I really love him. Everything about him.

I enjoy how he keeps me grounded and can always calm me down. I enjoy how easily he can make me laugh and smile. I enjoy how he interacts with my family. I enjoy how dedicated he is to making me happy. I enjoy how he makes me a better person. And most importantly, I enjoy how he accept me as I am. (Like really, I am in serious need of anger management and he is so dedicated to helping me through the process.)

Just for the record, I have never felt like this about anyone before. He is my first love, as well as my first serious relationship. There is not anyone else I would rather be with. He impresses and surprises me everyday. I cannot wait until we can spend the rest of our days together.

Back to the initial story…

Today, Jake and I looked at some rings! Yes, rings. Wedding rings. Engagement rings. Promise rings. Etc.

It was soo much fun. I tried some things on. We talked prices, styles, colors, materials, etc. The women were so nice and helpful. They took my ‘no vision’ (b/c this was our first day looking, we had nothing in mind) an turned it into a beautiful ring.

Yep, this means we picked the ring out. (Pics coming soon, as it first has to be sized and picked up).

I cannot wait to share the pics with everyone.

Now, as anyone can imagine, this day was beyond perfect and special. I do not think you guys actually understand!

The past few days, we stayed the night at my moms place (to celebrate Mimi’s birthday -pics coming soon). However, my mom mentioned that (long story short) I was smothering Jake.

And jokingly, he agreed. I was devastated. Not b/c he agreed, but b/c this was the first time anyone has ever said anything. And… I know it is true.

B/c we live together, we obviously do not get much time apart. However, whenever we go out, I have to hold his hand. Or sit next to him. And basically… smother him.

Now, it is not intentional however, since he started third shift, our schedule has been off. He gets home early, we eat. Nap. I get up soon after, but he is still sleeping. And before you know it, he is getting up and ready for work.

While we are physically together everyday, we have not spent as much time together. We have not done dinner and a movie in a couple weeks. We have not cooked together for a while. And we have not taken a walk for a while. It has been work-work-work for the past few weeks.

Then, to make things worse, we have not even been spending time together on his off days. We used to spend those days staying in bed and cuddling, but b/c he is helping my family paint, we have been with them. And everyone loves him, so they want to hang out with him. And play with him. And talk to him. So I have been forced to share my boyfriend with everyone else, note- our lack of time alone.

I know I should be happy that everyone loves him, and he loves them however, it just makes me feel like I never get him to myself. It also made me realize just how mean I am. Not to him, but to everyone. (I should be excused, I need anger management… like really). But, I shall not justify anything. I guess there is a small part of me that is afraid he will possibly break up with me b/c ‘I am so rude and so mean.’

So after a long few days of feeling like a terrible and annoying gf, I decided to give him a break and stay away for the weekend. But after spending time together today, we assured me that I have nothing to worry about.

It feels good. No great. Well… it is an inexplicable feeling.

Well this has been a very long and emotional post (no, I did not cry… I am not the crying type.), I must bring it to an end. For I have some things to look up and some planning to do.

But… to recap, we had a baby bear and picked out the most beautiful ring in the world today. I am internally and externally grateful for Jake.


Same House, Different Bed.

Same House, Different Bed.

So I recently (like really recently) posted about Jake and I moving in together.

I basically talked about how we just “went for it” and everything was great!

Well, I do not know if that is the case anymore. ):

So being with someone all the time (but not 24/7 bc he works outside of the house, and I do nothing all day. Whomp!) you start to notice all the things you do not like about them.

While I feel this move has showed Jake that I am a lot bossier, and maybe meaner (ugh, who am I kidding? I KNOW he thinks I am mean bc he tells me everyday. Lol), I am still convinced he is in it for the long run. (Or however that saying goes. You know, the one basically saying someone is going to stick around? Yeah, that one.)

So even though there are things he probably does not prefer about me, I know he appreciates them. Even how I wake him up, when he is sleeping like a baby.

But… it is different for me.

All this time, I told myself there was only one thing I did not like about him. (Lol and he already knows it. However, when sleeping with him everyday, I have learned that I am not as fond of his snoring, his ability to sleep the day away, and… the way he moves every five minutes! (Ps… still not talking behind his back, because he knows that too. Lol!)

Yesterday, I had a great idea: Lets sleep in different beds! (:

I figured if we slept in an L-shape, we could still gaze in each others’ eyes and talk, just as we would if we were together. Except, this was better! I did not have to hear him snore (as loud), I would not wake him when I got up (I am up at 7A and he is up by noon… if I am lucky), and I did not have to deal with him moving so much.

Awesome idea, right? WRONG! (I know you guessed it, otherwise, there would not be much of a story here. )

Anyways, I literally felt soo far away from him. And… I was cold like all night. ):

Luckily we got up at the same time in the middle of the night and had a type of mini-date. We just watched Twilight Zone and talked, lol. But it was the best part of that whole stupid night.

I cannot believe I came up with an idea so stupid, lol. But, I guess it was fun to try something different.

Ps… I was so cold I made us hold hands during the night. Haha.

So, I write this to say: I do not prefer Jake’s snoring, or him moving so much, or how late he wakes up. BUT… I definitely appreciate that (and everything else) about him. ❤

What Love Life?

What Love Life?

So I know it has been a long while since I have blogged about a guy or even blogged about James, my Best Friend.

I will start with James.

So yes, we are still best friends but no, I have not actually talked to him in like three years! I do not know what he has been up to, or what he has been doing, etc. I guess he is too busy with his gf.


Anyways, I can say that I was pissed at him not too long ago. Long story short, I asked his advice on something pretty important to met at the time and he was less than helpful. His ‘advice’ was not only dumb AF (as f*ck!!) but it was irrelevant and did not offer a solution in any way.

Then to make things worse, I was telling him about how I ‘met a new guy’ (I do not remember who the guy was, b/c I always meet new guys) and he just did not at all seem interested.

So… f*ck James. (:

Anyways, I have had a really nice year so far. I have been on a few successful dates, met some cool guys, and had some fun times.

…haven’t had sex though. Yeah, that is random. But it is also true, I just haven’t had sex in a while. Go figure. And I am proud to say I have not fallen ‘in like’ in awhile either!

Hashtag , #GoMe !

So back to the cool guys.

So I met this one guy, not going to give a name, and he was super cool. We hung out and had so much fun together. We hung out a few more times and I was thinking we had soo much potential. But maybe we don’t. Unfortunately, we realized that we were into different things. Whomp.

He is still super cool though and we talk like every single day. I am not saying whether or not I like him. As that is a matter of another day, on another post. Lol.

Next, I met this other guy. Super amazing. And I am convinced he is the sweestest guy alive. I hang out with him a lot b/c he lives pretty close. He cooked for me and I thought that was really nice. Then, he brought me my favorite cheese and I was impressed. Then… he brought me trail mix, and I think I fell in love. ❤

Haha. No seriously, trail mix is the way to my heart!

And earlier today I talked to my ex. That was cool… the conversation was short.

Anyways. To conclude, no, I do not have a boyfriend right now. And I BARELY have a best friend. However, I am sensing some things could change. (But that may just be b/c Valentines' Day is close). We shall see.

And in case that was/is unclear, no I technically am not 'talking' to anyone as that has yet to be verbally established from anyone discussed above.

Ps… I had to state that b/c sometimes after I post these blogs, people assume I am talking to someone.

The Almost Completely Insane Thought I Thought.

The Almost Completely Insane Thought I Thought.

In case you live under a rock and don’t know this man, this is H. Heffner!*

He’s like the CEO of the entire Playboy Empire. He’s also known for being an older man, with stunning young women on his arms.

What’s he got to do with me?

…so last night I went out with a friend. Had the most amazing time ever. (Haha, no, I haven’t fell in like with him. But I really did have a great time. And we actually decided to hang out again).

So I’ve always been into older guys, like even back in high school I was attracted to older men. However, I was not able to act on that until recently (…ya know? With the law and statutory rape and stuff.). The first time I went on a date with an older man, was back during my freshman year of college. It was fun but nothing stemmed from it. So recently I have tried to get back into that older pool of gentlemen.

(Haha… funny story, I literally joined OurTime, the dating site for singles 50+ years old. That never went anywhere either… turns out its free o join, but it costs to send/receive messages. Lol, whomp.)

However, I was fortunate across to come across this guy. While I’m not going to say his age, I will say he is over 10 years older than I am. He’s bald too! (How freaking hoottt??? Yep, I love bald guys too).

And b/c we decided to meet again, it was basically confirmation that something more could stem from this. Then… it got me thinking.

As much as I love older guys, should I stay away from that? B/c while maturity wouldn’t be an issue but the obvious fact remains that we’re in different places of our lives. And it’ll always be that way, if I date older guys. And it almost made me feel like I could miss out on certain things in life, b/c of the guys I like to date. While I don’t have any examples, I’m sure that is something to consider when deciding to date that way.

Now, don’t answer that… it was just something that came across my mind.

Along with the thought of how annoying it is when people automatically assume I want an older man for his money, or that I want to be a sugar baby. I literally deal with that now. When friends (and even family) realize I like older men, that’s the first thing they say. It’s almost disrespectful.

My temporary decision is that I’m not going to completely shy away from older guys though. I came to this conclusion b/c I like guys who closer to my age too. Therefore, there’s no telling what age guy I could end up with. The issue would come when I decided to solely date one ‘type’ of guy.

Additionally, if I thought hard enough, I could probably convince myself that dating outside my race would cause me to miss out on things. Which I definitely don’t believe.

So long story short, I think it was just a random thought inspired by the fear of trying something new. That happens ya know?

*Just kidding about living under a rock, I only know him b/c I have always found him extremely attractive lol.

…And It’s Over.

...And It's Over.

Soo remember the guy in my last post?

The one I met and he was so perfect?

Yeah, that one. So I never officially ‘fell in like’ with him, but I’m out of it. However, I realized he wasn’t perfect and I was no longer interested. Lol.

Fast, right? I know, I know… that’s why an additional resolution is to not fall in like so fast. (Ps…luckily I met him in 2013, so he wouldn’t have counted anyway.)

But that came just in time, how perfect am I?

Yeah, you were probably expecting more but nope. That’s it.

I could do an update on my ‘Love Life’ but that would be pointless. There isn’t anything to really say.

In other news, I’m happy that my insurance is now covering my preferred method of birth control so I’ll be able to get back on that. Plus I took the pregnancy test (required before getting prescription for BC) and it was the first time I did not spill urine all over the place (I’ve taken three, one test per prescription… yep, its a hassle).

I would love to do an entire post about that, and I may consider it. But like, who wants to see my urine in a cup?

Oops, I Did It. Again.

Oops, I Did It. Again.

Whelp, I fell in like with a new guy.

Long story short, we met online*.
(*no, we did not actually meet online, but for simplicity’s sake, I’m leaving it at that.)

B/c he lives fairly close and we both had a little free-time, we decided to meet.

He obviously sent me a pic, and I thought, ‘sheesh he’s a cutie.’ But then, when I saw him in person, I thought, ‘my goossshhhh is this man gorgeous.’

We sat at my placed and talked for a little while. You know? Just getting to know some basic things about one another.

Then we decided to talk a little walk, along a trail on campus. This was soo much fun (as taking walks is definitely one of my favorite things to do). He asked me a lot of funny questions; from ‘whats the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?’ to ‘what do you like on your pizza?’

(OMG he literally JUST texted me ‘Good morning!’) Back to the post.

Our walk was very interesting. We then came back to my place for pizza. And guess what? He loves onions like I love onions. #Winning. We watched a little FoodNetwork and talked about foods that we like.

He’s like seriously the sweetest person ever. He talked about how cute I am (basically all day) and invited me to his friends going away party.

In the meanwhile, we watched tv at his place. I met his dog, his cousins, and some of his friends. It was all great. Very great. And we held hands. (I totally hate holding hands, but I sure did not mind holding his hand). ❤

So at the end of the night, he asked what my intentions were with him. I told him how I am a 'whatever happens, happens' type of person. And I assumed that was a satisfying answer, he did mention he wanted to see me again. (As we actually just made plans to hang tomorrow, whoot whoot!). However, I thought that was a great question b/c he seems to be really interested (b/c when we initially started talking, before meeting, it seemed like meeting would be a one-time thing, but b/c he wanted to hang again, it means we hit it off.)

I'll let you guys know more, as that develops.

56 Days of Summer.

…great title, right?

(The number of “Good Days” with my Favorite Person.)

This is the Part II. 

Again, this took a while b/c I wanted to wait until I was feeling neutral about this whole situation.

(So when we’re “up” I’m too biased to say nice things, and obviously it’s the same case when we’re down).

Any who, lets get started.

(In Case You Missed Part I) The Background: 

Now, I’m sure I’ve told the story about how we met.

Cinco de Mayo. On Campus. Alcohol. Fun.

We became buddies.

Then more than buddies.

Then I got a bf, so he stopped talking to me.

This summer, we were became friends.

(Like real friends, no sex).

Now we are here.

Our 56 Days:

Would usually be good days.

We always have fun when we hang out.

We have tons of great chemistry

But I guess he’s still mad at me.

Seems like we can only go “two good months” before he starts acting weird.

The Past 56:

We were going great from Jan. 2013- March 2013.

I feel that’s when he really stopped talking to me (after I got my bf).

However, thats understandable b/c it was no need to maintain a friendship since we stopped having sex.

Again, we had about 56 “good days” before we “ended our friendship.”

The Present 56:

We have been doing great since July 2013.

But soon it will be Oct. 2013, and he’s acting really weird.

He’s been mad at me for a few days, and it hasn’t blown over like I expected it to.

Which is fine, I can’t make someone not be mad or me.

Nor can I make someone like me.

Those are obviously his personal choices.

It’s just a bit awkward b/c I don’t know what he’s upset about.

Ending Our 56:

Lately, he hasn’t called me as often.

(We went from talking like 3+ times a day to once every other day).

He rarely texts me, and when he does, it’s not even a real conversation.

And we haven’t hung out since maybe August.

So I just feel like this is all leading to the ending of our “56 Days” and the math says, this about that time anyway.

My Issues With Him:

I don’t like how he goes back and forth, or sends mixed signals.

It’s like one day everything is great and just like that, there just has to be a problem.

Or how he doesn’t say exactly how he feels.

(Or maybe the way he acts/reacts is his way of dong that, but that’s too complicated).

And how (I feel) he likes me, but won’t admit to it.

(Granted, I could be wrong, but I highly doubted that*.)

Or how he reads my tweets and takes them for more than they are.

And how he doesn’t believe the things I say to him, specifically when I tell him how I feel about him.

*The Doubt:

So initially I was 100% sure he liked me.

We talked/texted everyday, he’s always around and I could tell he wanted to be,etc.

I took those things as him liking me b/c no other conclusion for his actions would be logical.

(However, in the middle of writing this post I realized I actually don’t think he likes me).

So I must have misread a couples cues, that’s fine.

However, this all could have been avoided if he had just said that from the beginning.

So, What’s Next?

I wish I knew, but I don’t.

But I’m going to assume our 56 will end and we’ll go our separate ways.

But we’ll see.