What to Say to Someone Who Has Lost a Parent.

So I guess I will talk a little about my dad b/c he has only been mentioned briefly, in an old post.

Long story short, he died when I was seven.

B/c I was so young, I do not remember much about him and I do not feel I was deeply effected by his absence in my life. And I know many people could/would argue that have been effected whether or not I realize it.

Growing up, I do not remember anyone reaching out to me and offering their love/support after his death, and it was okay b/c we (my siblings and I) always had our mother. Not to mention I probably did not realize all that was happening, so I was able to be taken care of by my mother.

Well my mother has been a single parent since she had my older brother at age 15. And she did a wonderful job taking care of my five siblings all our lives.

Well recently, yesterday, she passed away and it is totally different.

I have so much to deal with and so much to worry about for myself. However, I am the least of my worries. I have five siblings who need me right now. My youngest sister is only eight, she literally cannot comprehend what is going on.

It breaks my heart more than anyone could ever imagine. I would never wish for anyone to lose a parent or even a close parent figure. I have never felt more helpless in my entire life. I have never felt the need to be stronger.

And I know there are so many people, family, friends, and even my recently acquired sorority sisters who are all asking how they could help. I do not know.

While I understand some people do not know what to say to me, I completely understand what they are going through b/c I cannot even find the words to comfort my siblings.

What am I supposed to say to minors who have lost their only capable parent? What do I say when they say they miss her? What can I even do to take their pain away? I am in the same situation and I cannot even help them in this way.

I sit here and wipe all the tears as I write and it hurts so bad. Physically my throat hurts from crying so much, mentally I do not even know what to say to them so that hurts, emotionally I cannot even imagine how they feel b/c we are six different personalities. I do not know every detail of their relationship with her so I cannot understand.

And it is even different for me b/c I have Jake. Jake is literally the most amazing man I have ever laid eyes on. He has been there since her accident and has not left my side since. He has called off work. He has brought us dinner/lunch/breakfast. He has talked to my siblings and me. He has offered any and every service you can think of. He has wiped tears. He has has stayed up all night just to hug me. It is just so reassuring to know that he feels this way, although we only met this year. I thank God for sending him and his parents for making him. I love him so much and I am so thankful for him.

And even though it hurts me b/c I lost my mom, it hurts me even more b/c they lost her too.

I love them more than anything and I want nothing but the best for each and every one of them.

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Some Things You Never Knew About College!

Here, on my other site, I have began a mini college series.

The posts have/will feature some advice, tips, tricks, etc about surviving college. And so far, they have been a huge hit.

Take a look here. 🙂

My Life, In a Picture.

My Life, In a Picture.

So as everyone knows, I am a Theater major, with minors in Business and Spanish.

Initially, I wanted to spend my entire life on stage. As an actress. Then, I started ballet. And I realized I wanted to spend life on stage, as an actress and dancer.

Then I remembered all the great times I have servicing the community. Whether t was cleaning a park, or volunteering at nursing homes, or mentoring children at the summer camp.

These are the things that truly make my life worth while.

It was then that I realized, I do no want to work after college. Seems like a waste of time, money, and a degree, if I will never use it, right? Well, no. It is not. And that is the beauty of it.

Over the past few months I have really struggled with what I wanted to do with my life. I felt too much pressure to use my degree and did not think I had enough “time.”

But the thing is, no matter what you are doing, time will pass. Therefore, you should go ahead and do all that you want! There is no rush.

Just live a life that makes you happy. For me, that life is a life serving others, on and off stage.

Sister: A Temporary Mother.

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So here is my favorite sister, Mimi.

This is her after getting dressed, from going swimming.

Although she looks cool, calm, and collected, she was far from that. Just moments before this picture was taken, she had a total meltdown! I mean it was just insane.

So here is a little about her, she suffers from a neurological disorder called Chiari Malformation (CM*). This is a disorder caused by a structural deffect, in which the bottom part of her skull is smaller than it should be. This causes ton of pain and pressure for her entire head. Her skull, spine, brain, etc, this also causes a disruption in the flow of her spinal fluid.

As a result of her disorder, she takes tons of meds. Everything from sleeping meds, meds for seizures, meds for this, for that… you get the picture.

Unfortunately, bc of her disorder, she had ‘good days’ and ‘bad days.’ Thank God she has been doing really well! So this past weekend, I had my siblings and my nephew over for some good’ole indoor swimming.

She was enjoying herself, along with all the other kids. Until she stated she was cold and wanted to get out. I got her and the baby out of the pool, to change and get dressed, while the other kids were swimming.

She was fine until we went into the locker room, where she completely flipped out and began her meltdown.

(When I described the meltdown to my mom, she started crying. Although she is only seven, I will respect her privacy and not go into details about the meltdown.) She started crying hysterically, and screaming bc she was cold.

I was so freaked out I had no idea what to do. Being a big sister, you always faced with tons of responsibility regarding your younger siblings. You have to be a friend, and listen to what they have to say. You are a mediator, when your siblings fight. You are an equal, when taking their suggestions of fun activities to do or movies to watch. And as I found out this past weekend, sometimes, you have to be a temporary mom.

I tried so hard to comfort her, as my mom would but man was it hard.

Eventually, she calmed down and the pic was taken.

While I love all my siblings, I definitely do not want to go through that again, so Mimi cannot come back for swimming, unless its blazing outside. Lol.

Did I Ever Mention My Life Fell Apart?

Did I Ever Mention My Life Fell Apart?

Quick photo check; I pulled this from my board on Pinterest. Its by far one of my favorite pics. Ever. But I posted it here b/c it just feels… right.

So back to this title.

Yep, my whole entire life was crumbling right before my eyes! I could not sleep, I could not eat, I was pretty stressed, I could not relax, I did not feel I had anyone to lean on…b/c all of my friends and family seem to be going through rough times too.

…I had completely given up. Basically lost hope. It was really bad.

And want to know what started this all?

…me too! B/c I sure do not remember! That is right. A few months ago everything in my life seemed to be going wrong and I just could not foresee better things to come. I really did not expect things to get better.

And now, here we are just a few months forward and everything seems to have worked itself out.

Now, I do not write that to gloat about how ‘perfect’ my life is or how have everything all figured out, etc, etc… but instead I write that to give hope.

During the hard times in our lives, we are so caught up in what is wrong and what we can not control, instead we should always focus on the positive. This is true b/c take me for example, I literally felt like I was on the verge of being depressed a few months ago, and now, I cannot even recall what issues and/or events caused me to feel that way.

It is like yes, we all have bad times and feel like we cannot move on. However, before you know it, things will be back to normal, and you may not even care about what the problems are/were.

And if you are experiencing a time like that now, I say, “give up!” That’s right! Just give up. Accept things for what they are. And accept that it can always get worse. And once you do that, you will in a sense have ‘hit rock bottom’ which is good b/c now there is no way to go, but up.

Smile. (:

Happy 13th!

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Wishing my beautiful sister a very happy 13th birthday, 31 Dec. 2013.

I’m am beyond proud of her. She is so smart and determined. I admire so many things about her. And I’ll always love her.

Funny story; she was so worried about our second nephew coming on her birthday. Luckily he didn’t.

However… (View next post).

We’re Not Makin’ Love No More.

We're Not Makin' Love No More.

“…we’re not even trying to change…we don’t even talk no more, we ran out of words to say.”
-Dru Hill.

That song actually has nothing to do with this post. That song is basically about a break up and how things go so wrong, it makes you wonder why nothing lasts forever. And does anything ever stay the same.

However, this post is just an update on everything going on since its the end of the semester, and I have time to write a full length blog, rather than the minis I have been writing lately.

I’ll start with an update and then talk about the pic.

Update: Everything is great. I have been extremely busy, just waiting for break. The semester could have gone better, as I had a few disappointments.

Of the four auditions, none of them were “successful,” although I am super confident about all of m performances. Fortunately, I have three auditions in January. An acting audition, that will make or break my whole entire future. (Okay, a little dramatic… but you get the idea). And I have two dancing auditions, which are equally important. Just send me good vibes and prayers.

As far as classes go, I am only worried about one class. So yep, pray about that too. Thanks. All and all, I am not too excited about the majority of my Spring 2014 classes. So, send good vibes for that too.

My family is great, we have about a month and a half left until I welcome my new nephew. And my other nephew, PeePie (PP), just turned one. (Don’t worry, his solo post is definitely coming). My favorite sister is learning math and learning how to read, I am beyond proud of her. And the others are great too. I will do a more in depth post about them during the holidays.

Also, I have big news! I am teaching myself to cook. I can make over five dishes! Whoot-whoot. Yep, I am definitely going to post about all the things I can make, full of pics and directions to accompany it.

Recently I realized just how selfish I can be, therefore that is a new goal of mine. This brings up my pic.

The Pic:
This a pic of me in my dance attire, about 10 minutes ago.

I posted this as my “Day 1.”

I am going to undergo a makeover! …no, not a makeover like beautify myself with tons of makeup and weave. But rather work on improving myself inside and out. Everything from my character flaws and my muscle tone. Ha.

So I never did an update, but I have drastically cut back on my cursing. Whoot! (Did you notice how I have not been cursing in the posts either?) But now I want to work on being less selfish. Also I would like to expand my vocabulary. And investing more into my career. I will post on the specifics soon enough.

As far as my body, in the pic, I want to work on strengthening my body for ballet. A lot of people do not realize that when you have flexibility, you lack strength, and vice versa. Therefore, b/c I am extremely flexible, my body is extremely weak. Whomp!

So by the time ballet starts, after break, I have an entire list of things I want to accomplish.

I will get into details later.

Whelp, that is it… for now.