What to Say to Someone Who Has Lost a Parent.

So I guess I will talk a little about my dad b/c he has only been mentioned briefly, in an old post.

Long story short, he died when I was seven.

B/c I was so young, I do not remember much about him and I do not feel I was deeply effected by his absence in my life. And I know many people could/would argue that have been effected whether or not I realize it.

Growing up, I do not remember anyone reaching out to me and offering their love/support after his death, and it was okay b/c we (my siblings and I) always had our mother. Not to mention I probably did not realize all that was happening, so I was able to be taken care of by my mother.

Well my mother has been a single parent since she had my older brother at age 15. And she did a wonderful job taking care of my five siblings all our lives.

Well recently, yesterday, she passed away and it is totally different.

I have so much to deal with and so much to worry about for myself. However, I am the least of my worries. I have five siblings who need me right now. My youngest sister is only eight, she literally cannot comprehend what is going on.

It breaks my heart more than anyone could ever imagine. I would never wish for anyone to lose a parent or even a close parent figure. I have never felt more helpless in my entire life. I have never felt the need to be stronger.

And I know there are so many people, family, friends, and even my recently acquired sorority sisters who are all asking how they could help. I do not know.

While I understand some people do not know what to say to me, I completely understand what they are going through b/c I cannot even find the words to comfort my siblings.

What am I supposed to say to minors who have lost their only capable parent? What do I say when they say they miss her? What can I even do to take their pain away? I am in the same situation and I cannot even help them in this way.

I sit here and wipe all the tears as I write and it hurts so bad. Physically my throat hurts from crying so much, mentally I do not even know what to say to them so that hurts, emotionally I cannot even imagine how they feel b/c we are six different personalities. I do not know every detail of their relationship with her so I cannot understand.

And it is even different for me b/c I have Jake. Jake is literally the most amazing man I have ever laid eyes on. He has been there since her accident and has not left my side since. He has called off work. He has brought us dinner/lunch/breakfast. He has talked to my siblings and me. He has offered any and every service you can think of. He has wiped tears. He has has stayed up all night just to hug me. It is just so reassuring to know that he feels this way, although we only met this year. I thank God for sending him and his parents for making him. I love him so much and I am so thankful for him.

And even though it hurts me b/c I lost my mom, it hurts me even more b/c they lost her too.

I love them more than anything and I want nothing but the best for each and every one of them.

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A Party For Jake.

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Lets first discuss this pic: It is my ‘Happy Birthday’ page. It includes some hand lettering as well as illustrations. As you can see, I am getting pretty darn good. 🙂

I am really proud of my work, so more pics coming soon.

So July 6 will be Jake’s 25th birthday*. So with his birthday coming up, I decided to buy him a gift and throw him a surprise party.

The Gift:

As you probably can guess, the gift was the hardest part. I could not decide what to get him. He does not play videos games, he does not have any real hobbies, and I hate getting people things they ‘need’ over things they ‘want’ for their birthday. After searching long and hard, I could not choose between a Beef Jerky variety set and Doctor Who disappearing coffee mug.

Well we played a game where I call out random gifts in a random order (with the two gifts I was most heavily considering included) and he told me ‘yes’ or ‘no’ on whether or not he would want it.

It turned out he did not want either. 😦

And my initial thought was to get him a really nice and rather expensive Coach wallet. (It was like super nice and he needed one b/c his old one was falling apart.) But… he needed it and I know he is not particularly into expensive things.

So I literally had no idea what to get him and I wanted to give up. But we went to the outlet mall and could not pass up the great sales going on in Coach and we ended up with a Coach wallet (for him) and a Coach bag (for me). 😉

Everything was great.

The Party:

Due to everything going on, we had to postpone the party to one day later. And right before I knew it my mom had shared the news, so it was no longer a surprise.

So yesterday we grilled a few things, had some pasta, and cake. It was a lot of fun. I think he enjoyed himself. We even saw fireworks downtown and did some sparklers with the littles.

Over the time we stayed with my family, he talked to his parents, who obviously wanted to come visit him for his birthday.

Only problem is, they planned to come Sunday and I would be here Sunday b/c I have a community service-free weekend.

The Parents:

Because they were planning to come this weekend, I asked if he wanted me to go home so he could spend time with them alone.

Well he stated that I could stay, if I wanted to meet him. (Awkward Moment.)

Now, it is not that I do not want to meet them. I just feel that he felt a bit obligated b/c he has met my entire family. I would have preferred he allowed me to meet them on his own terms, perhaps a time when he felt more comfortable and less obligated. I am in no rush to meet them, I just like for things to happen naturally.

So we did not talk about it more, until he was headed to work. I attempted to get out of it, by saying I would go home and come back next weekend. However, it was too late. Apparently he told his dad that I would be here. So I got stuck here in a sense.

And now I just feel awkward b/c I am not really sure he genuinely wants me to meet them.

But for the record, I am not upset nor am I nervous. Everyone loves me.

So expect another post after the weekend.

Apartment 202.

Apartment 202.

Oh how busy I have been!

Schools out, grades are looking fine (for the most part, one none A grade), and it was time to leave campus.

However, I did not go home this time.

Instead, my bf and I moved in. Together. (Yes, TOGETHER).

As in we are living in the same house, and sleeping in the same bed.

I know it seems ‘too soon’ but whatever, these are the years for making mistakes so I do not see anything wrong with our choice. Additionally, I am technically just a ‘temporary guest.’ And, we are not alone. His brother and his brothers girlfriend are here too.

We are like a little mini pre-family.

Surprisingly enough, all my friends and family find it pretty funny. And no one has anything bad to say. Which is obviously good.

But I feel I really needed this. I has really given me the chance to try new things, actually be out on my own, and become a ‘civilized person.’ Lol.

Now, most people automatically think you get that from living on campus. And, coming from someone who has been living on campus for three years, I can honestly say you do but it does not count.

I know of tons of people who met their BFFS through living on campus, or met some life-long friend from living on campus. Whelp, it was NEVER like that for me. I always get stuck with the people who are total opposites of me. So I have literally had the worst roommate experiences while living on campus!

Any how, back to Apartment 202.

So basically we moved in together and it has been super fun. However, it has not been exactly how I initially imagined it would be. My bf is a lot messier than I realized. But, I can tell I am helping him get better at cleaning his messes.

We do not see each other as often as I thought we would. He works 5/7 days a week, therefore we get two days where we watch movies and cook dinner together. (:

Before this, I was not big on sharing. However, this has gotten me to be more giving. When living with strangers, you are OK to be selfish or decide not to share your things. But since I am living with “family” (my boyfriend, his brother, and his girlfriend), I have to be more courteous and share my things.

We do not have sex everyday, lol. When some of my friends realized that we moved in together, the assume we were having sex everyday. This is NOT the case. Lol.

So basically this post is about how moving in with my boyfriend has been one of the best decisions I have made.

41 Things.

41 Things.

Heeyyy, I have not posted about my ‘Love Life’ for quite a while, so I will use this time to do so.

As I recently announced, I am currently seeing someone new. And as of today, we have been seeing each other for 41 days.

I really just want to say, it. Is. GREAT! Definitely enjoying everything about him as a person, and ‘us’ collectively.

To celebrate, I will post 41 Things I Love About JAKE. (:

1. Your glasses, as you look attractive and smart.
2. Your unexpected and sexual sense of humor.
3. How helpful and thoughtful you are.
4. The way you sing along to ‘Superman’ by Eminem.
5. The way you ‘appreciate my quirks.’
6. How you embrace this cold weather.
7. How you work really hard.
8. How you can never decide on what to watch or what to eat.
9. How you wait outside of my voice lesson.
10. How you think I’m ‘not fat.’

1. When you do the bed sheet thing.
2. When you say all the words to Family Guy.
3. How you enjoy Pinterest as much as I.
4. How you interact with Michael and PP.
5. When you leave my team to be on my family’s team, #Trader lol.
6. When we walk together, talk together, and swim together. (;
7. How you wash my hair.
8. Allow me to cut your hair.
9. When you take out my trash.
10. When you encourage and support me.

1. When you bring me chocolates.
2. When you call me ‘beautiful.’
3. When you play that cell-phone game when I cook.
4. How you sneak pics of me when I am not watching.
5. How you want to read the journal.
6. How you want what I want, and we have a mutual understanding.
7. How you look super sexy in that blue plaid shirt.
8. When you buy alcohol.
9. When you sneak a ‘Mtn Dew.’
10. When you distract me from Lumosity.

1. How you leave your things in disarray in my room and on my desk.
2. How your desk at your place looks.
3. When you do that sexy eyebrow lift thing.
4. How you are so quick to help out.
5. How you think I am so lucky.
6. Always fall asleep before the movie is over.
7. When you watched those Netflix movies with me, haha.
8. How you mess up my bedsheets.
9. When you throw our kids in the closet.
10. How you cook those delicious cajun BBQ burgers.

1. How you introduced me to baby oil, lol.

Go Green.

Whew, it has been a super long time but I PROMISE to get back to posting regularly.

I just hate posting when I have nothing eventful to share.

So here it goes. A few updates.

I have… Been busy with classes. I went back to work. I ditched the iPhone. Picked up an HTC, which I love. Celebrated Valentine’s Day, with my Valentine. Who happens to be my new bf. Lowercase as in boyfriend. Don’t worry, he is sure to get his own personal post very soon.

But yeah, a lot has gone on.

However, this is just a short post about how much fun I had Friday night !

I decided to get Chipotle, go to a tailgate, and a basketball game. . .with my little brother.

It was so much fun bc I never hang out with him alone bc I never feel like we have anything in common. After all, he is only 9. Plus he’s always busy with practice and he can be a brat.

Luckily, I invited him to come over and he had a ball.

So blessed to have spent time with him.

And to add icing to this cake, my bf was off of work, so he was able to come too.

What Love Life?

What Love Life?

So I know it has been a long while since I have blogged about a guy or even blogged about James, my Best Friend.

I will start with James.

So yes, we are still best friends but no, I have not actually talked to him in like three years! I do not know what he has been up to, or what he has been doing, etc. I guess he is too busy with his gf.

Whelp.

Anyways, I can say that I was pissed at him not too long ago. Long story short, I asked his advice on something pretty important to met at the time and he was less than helpful. His ‘advice’ was not only dumb AF (as f*ck!!) but it was irrelevant and did not offer a solution in any way.

Then to make things worse, I was telling him about how I ‘met a new guy’ (I do not remember who the guy was, b/c I always meet new guys) and he just did not at all seem interested.

So… f*ck James. (:

Anyways, I have had a really nice year so far. I have been on a few successful dates, met some cool guys, and had some fun times.

…haven’t had sex though. Yeah, that is random. But it is also true, I just haven’t had sex in a while. Go figure. And I am proud to say I have not fallen ‘in like’ in awhile either!

Hashtag , #GoMe !

So back to the cool guys.

So I met this one guy, not going to give a name, and he was super cool. We hung out and had so much fun together. We hung out a few more times and I was thinking we had soo much potential. But maybe we don’t. Unfortunately, we realized that we were into different things. Whomp.

He is still super cool though and we talk like every single day. I am not saying whether or not I like him. As that is a matter of another day, on another post. Lol.

Next, I met this other guy. Super amazing. And I am convinced he is the sweestest guy alive. I hang out with him a lot b/c he lives pretty close. He cooked for me and I thought that was really nice. Then, he brought me my favorite cheese and I was impressed. Then… he brought me trail mix, and I think I fell in love. ❤

Haha. No seriously, trail mix is the way to my heart!

And earlier today I talked to my ex. That was cool… the conversation was short.

Anyways. To conclude, no, I do not have a boyfriend right now. And I BARELY have a best friend. However, I am sensing some things could change. (But that may just be b/c Valentines' Day is close). We shall see.

And in case that was/is unclear, no I technically am not 'talking' to anyone as that has yet to be verbally established from anyone discussed above.

Ps… I had to state that b/c sometimes after I post these blogs, people assume I am talking to someone.

Its About that Time.

Its About that Time.

For me to blog on my relationship.

As you probably assumed, I’m single.

Ive been single since a little time before this school year started.

What went wrong you ask? Whelp, he was entirely too busy for a relationship. I didn’t feel we were growing as a couple, not to mention we never hung out and/or spent time together. Plus, I felt I wasn’t a priority in his life.

 

Let me clarify, b/c I feel this could be hard to understand- even for him. I was aware of him working third-shift before we got together, this is true. Therefore, I was not upset about him working long hours. I was upset that he wouldn’t use his off days to make-up for all the times we couldn’t talk/text while he was working. (Not to compare people, but over the summer, Roddy would always ask to hang out with me on his off days. We wanted to be with me; to talk, to hang out, and to do stuff together.) And that’s how it should be if you truly like or want to be with someone.

 

Additionally, I didn’t feel he tried hard at our relationship. Everyone knows relationships requires effort and he didn’t seem to get that. He never engaged in the few little conversations we had. He never took an interest in the things I did. He never tried to call/FaceTime me during his free time. Etc. However, I recently realized thats just his personality, he doesn’t seem to try hard at anything. And I don’t have time for someone to wait and get it, or time to change someone. I’m simply not doing it.

 

Furthermore, I was starting to like Roddy and decided it would be better if I broke up with him before I cheated on him, or something.

Well, I am a strong believer that you can maintain a friendship with an ex. As I have done with all my exes. So recently he had been planning to come visit, but of course, something came up each time he planned.

Well this Friday, he was actually able to come. (Honestly, I only feel he came b/c I said James was going to come. So here’s what happened. He wanted to come and so did James. B/c they’re both coming from Columbus, they were both planning to stay the night. I told my ex he could stay as long as James didn’t, and so he realized that he could come, but if James arrived after, he would have to go. So long story short, I feel he was coming to prove a point. Good thing it turned out, James couldn’t come Friday.)

So he gets here Friday, and we’re just hanging around. Not doing much but watching a little tv. I planned for us to go to Homecoming, b/c we never did anything fun. But guess what? …you probably guessed it, he didn’t want to go. “He didn’t have anything to wear” (those were his words.) But I didn’t see what the big deal was b/c I was wearing a simple dress with gorgeous heels (sorry both those are my favorite heels, lol).

I even mentioned that we weren’t gong to the dance, only going to the game night. And he still refused. Unfortunately, I had to cancel b/c he was my guest. Then, I had to call and tell all my friends that we weren’t going. I wasn’t mad, just annoyed b/c that is something fun to do. He could have just agreed to go, It was only gong to be an hour.

So our whole Friday night was relatively dry. Didn’t do anything fun or interesting.

So Saturday came, and we were just hanging out some more.

I asked for a massage, he refused. It just wasn’t a fun time. So I asked when he’d be leaving and he said that morning, before noon. Which was great b/c James wanted to come that morning, at 11:30AM. I told James yes b/c my ex was going to be leaving soon anyway.

(This may sound a little weird, even paranoid but its what I really believe.) My ex was standing behind me and James texted me, telling me that he was on the way. When my ex saw that, I think he used that as a reason to want to stay longer.

(Long story short) my ex was threatened to leave “right now.” And I expressed how that wasn’t a big deal b/c he’d be leaving soon anyway. But he then said he wasn’t leaving until a little after noon. I then said he’d have to go before 11:30, as I had plans. Then he wanted to know why I made plans when I knew he wasn’t leaving until after that. And I’m confused, b/c he has just stated earlier that he was leaving early.

So this escalated to a mini-argument. He was upset b/c he claimed he wouldn’t have anything to do for 30 mins. Yup, a whole 30 mins. (I didn’t even mention how the walk back to his car was 15mins, smh).

So soon after he stormed out, upset, obviously. Then he said he wouldn’t worry about coming back to visit me (which is fine, bc we never do anything fun anyway), and he’d just wait until I came to visit him (which probably won’t happen any time soon. And one of the couple times I tried to visit him he didn’t even want to hang out with me. Even though I went to Columbus for  the whole day).