*A lovely picture of my ring, from Jake of course.
However, it is pictured in the box – where it will be staying for some time. And I shall explain why.
So as recently mentioned, Jake and I celebrated our two year anniversary as well as Valentines’ Day. I talked about how excited we both were and how awesome things were between us but apparently I spoke too soon.
Since the posts, things have not been so awesome after all.
No, its not that we have been arguing non-stop but rather we have not done anything. We have not talked, have not spent time together, etc. And it is not all our faults, work schedules have a lot to do with that.
That along with a bunch of minor issues, that would normally work themselves out. But since we have not spent a lot of time lately, these little issues are thriving instead of diminishing. And that bothers me.
I have tried to talk to him so many times but I just cannot get through to him and I do not know what else I can do. We do not have time for the conversations and honestly, I do not feel he is being open or making the time to have the conversations we need to be having.
For a long time, I was/am the “mean/bossy/rude” one. And I cannot help that. I have always been this way and he knows that I am taking steps to address that but he does not understand how hard that is for me. In the process, I feel he has tried to become “the victim.” I have been so obsessed with trying to walk on eggshells and be nice to him, so that he does not feel abused or bullied in our relationship but its beginning to stress me out.
There are plenty of times that I just walk away from things, although I am passionate about them and want to talk with him about those things. And while doing that, I am sacrificing and not happy with that.
For a little while I felt like I was approaching the line of being unhappy in this relationship. Which is weird and new for me because I have never felt this way towards Jake or our relationship. And that also bothers me because I would like to discuss this with him, so he knows and we can address it. But again, I have avoided having this talk because I assumed the feelings would pass and that I would hurt his feelings. (And as mentioned earlier, we really have not had the time.)
He really is a great guy but now I just question if he is the great guy…for me, forever.
To be continued…