So here’s the thing, a long time ago, I watched an episode of Degrassi.
Now, I don’t recall too many details as far as season, characters, names, etc. However, I remember a female character had a boyfriend (bf) and a best friend (BF). Both of the males in her life were going out for some position of student government (or something). Her bf got it and her BF was upset, so at the same time her bf wanted to celebrate, her BF wanted to wallow (in his misery, okay… it wasn’t that deep but you get the pic.).
At that moment, I decided I would never choose my bf over my BF.
…since this, I have stayed true to this motto.
Now. I don’t mean this in a bad way, like, “oh, she choosing.” But I mean if I am ever in a situation (perhaps like the one above) I am definitely going to wallow in misery with my BF. Some people may not agree with that, but I totally have my reasons.
For me, I have known my BF longer than I have known my bf. I met them both my freshman year in college. However, my BF is my best friend. That means we have a commitment to be there for each other, so I have to pick him. Not to mention that he’ll probably be there long after my bf. Besides, when you’re fighting with your bf, who will be there to talk to you about it? …your BF.
To me, picking the BF is the best option.
However, you can not let your BFship dictate who you date and how long you date them. You’ll definitely need boundaries, just to ensure they respect each other.
I feel I’m at a place where my BF knows how much he means to me. (Which is bad, I don’t like people to know how much they mean to me. I’ll discuss that another day.) But he (I feel) will have trouble respecting the guys I date because he means so much.
Example, one day we were texting and I was talking about my bf. However the conversation went, he said, “he [my boyfriend] needs to get over it because I [my best friend] will always be more important.” Thats right! Hm… I honestly thinks he said it in a joking manner but I still feel that is how he feels. This is hard because regardless of if its true, he lacked respect my saying that.
However, your boyfriend needs boundaries too. Example, my bf and I have discussed what we deem inappropriate and he mentioned that he would appreciate it if I didn’t allow my guy friends to sleepover. (Normally I would let any of my guy friends stay the night when they visit, if they don’t have anywhere else to stay. Or if its just convenient. So I told my bf I’d respect his wishes.) But. I let him know that my BF would be an exception.
So this is just to say its so hard when there is competition between your BF and bf.